Yesterday, about an hour before the end of the day, I was arrested by Security Forces on base. They showed up in my office, without any warning, asked me to please stand up, turn around, place my hands behind my back and clamped cold, metal handcuffs around my wrists.
The charge? Miss Arkansas needed some company in jail.
Every year our cops do a fundraiser called "Santa Cop". For ten dollars you can have someone arrested in their office and brought to the holding cell for 30 minutes. Each additional ten dollars adds another 30 minutes to the individuals "sentence", and they use this to fund their holiday party. I'd made it through two holiday seasons without being targeted, so I guess it was too much to ask to make it all the way to my date of separation without feeling the wrath of the law.
Turns out prison isn't so bad. There was hot chocolate, doughnuts and holiday Little Debbies--the Christmas trees, my FAVORITE! Plus it got me out of the office for the end of the day.
The one crap deal out of it all is that once you're released from jail you have to walk back to your office. If you've ever been on a base, you know that really they're set up like small cities, and on my base I can tell you that the cop shop is nowhere NEAR the personnel flight. So, I began trudging down the street, calling everyone I could think of to come pick me up off the side of the road. Of course, it was a Friday so pretty much everyone had left early and cellphones kept going through to voicemail. After I'd made it about a mile down the street a Tech Sergeant rolled down his window and asked if I needed a ride. Not too much further down the road, we drove past Miss Arkansas, still making her way down the street and I just stuck my tongue out at her.
Thirty minutes later I got about five phonecalls from people asking if I still needed a ride. Um, no thanks, you horrible, horrible friends.
So, now I find myself a changed woman, having experienced a jail cell from the inside, and I'm pretty sure that now that I'm back on the streets I'll be back in the slammer again soon. Where else am I going to get free hot chocolate and cookies provided?