IVF Protocol

It's been a crazy few days, but I'm feeling a lot more postive about the future than I was this time last week.  In one of my previous posts I mentioned that our house in Washington had been sitting vacant since mid-December, and while the previous tenants paid through January to comply with their one year lease, we were starting to get anxious about the idea of no longer earning any rental income come February.  Much to our extreme excitement, last week we found out that we have an awesome couple moving in to the house in mid-February.  I expect that means we'll only get half the month's rent, but half rent is so, SO much better than no rent!

In addition, I got some incredible news about my fertility meds.  I'll be starting the medication for my IVF cycle at the beginning of February, so I spoke with the pharmacy yesterday to arrange for delivery at the end of this month.  When the girl asked me for my insurance information, I told her that we'd be paying for it out of pocket because Tricare doesn't cover anything.  Much to my surprise, she told me that they will, in fact, cover some of the meds, just not the Follistim (which is of course, the most expensive one, but STILL!).  I'm skeptically awaiting the news that she was wrong, and we will have to pay out of pocket for everything, but for the time being, the medication cost is at the lower end of the $2000-5000 estimate.  I'll have to make the actual payment in about a week and a half, so I guess at that point, I'll know for sure.

I'm still trying to decide just how much I want to share here about our IVF experience.  I've been really open about everything so far, and it's been a great method for venting my fears, frustrations, anger and sadness, but at the same time I'm starting to ping pong wildly back and forth between absolute pessimism and intense optimism about the process.  On the one hand, I want to share this because I know people are curious, and I'm not the least bit ashamed to share what we'll be going through.  I think it's pretty fasinating, actually, and it seems easier to share our experience this way than to have to retell the same story over and over again.

Here is what we know now:

February 7th I'll begin taking Lupron, which essentially shuts down my reproductive system and allows my doctor to take over and control all of the baby making hormones through medications.

February 20th I'll go to the clinic for an ultrasound and estrogen check to make sure that my body is responding properly, and then I will begin taking the medications that stimulate the follicles and eventually, assuming all goes well, take a HCG trigger shot that will pop the eggs almost out of the follies in preparation for retrieval.

March 2nd will be retrieval day when the technicians will hopefully be able to create at least one perfect, healthy future baby in a petri dish, and 3 or 5 days later (depending on how well things are developing), we'll do the transfer of either one or two embryos and know a little after that whether or not we've had a success or a failure to launch.

If we are fortunate enough to get pregnant on our first try, I'll want to shout it from the rooftops... AFTER we hear a heartbeat and know that everything is as certain as it can be--which will not be until some time after March 4th or 6th.  Even in a "normal" pregnancy, the chance of a miscarriage in the first 8 weeks is alarmingly high.  If it doesn't work, I don't know when I'll be ready to talk about it or how we'll handle that crushing disappointment.

For the time being, I'll still be sharing my journey openly and am always willing to answer questions or talk about it with anyone who is interested.  But at the end of the process, please don't be surprised if I suddenly clam up and don't say much one way or another.  I hope against hope that in the not so distant future I'll be sharing wonderful news with you, but I beg of you all not to make assumptions one way or another or try to read between the lines about whether or not I'm pregnant.

It's hard to believe that it's been 15 months since we first started on this journey.  18 disappointing cycles.  Countless tears.  Copious amounts of wine have all led us to where we are now.  It's silly and superstitious, but I'm trying very hard not to imagine myself pregnant in just a couple of months, picking out nursery furniture, or searching for a house that can accomodate a family of 3 instead of 2.  When we first started trying for a baby, we were so excited to talk about names, paint colors, the pros and cons of a boy or girl.  Over time, those conversations faded away and the excitement turned sour and it's come to feel like tempting fate.

I'm trying to allow myself to experience some feelings of excitement again, but it is terrifying.  There is so much more at stake now than there was a year ago.  So much money.  Our last shreds of hope.  I hope that at some point, I'm able to feel pure happiness and excitement again, but for now I'm cautious.  Cautiously optimistic, but cautious nonetheless.

Comments

[Abby]

I'm pulling for you & I hope that this round of treatments works! I'll be thinking about you!

[Kristina]

I'm really hoping you guys only have to do this once. I'm glad you're sharing your journey here and I hope it provides you some comfort. I'll be here listening!

[A Super Girl]

Wishing you guys the best of luck!

[Solange]

I'll be thinking of you guys! Good luck with everything and thanks for keeping us in the loop. :)

[thoughtsappear]

I'm glad you've had some good things happening. My fingers are crossed for you!

[katelin]

oh hell i just left a comment and now it's gone. or i left a comment and it said that it needs approval. either way i'm losing my mind. but really i just wanted to say that you are a rock star and i'll be thinking of you and sending all sorts of awesome baby vibes your way, woo. so much love for you and colby.

and seriously, share whatever you feel comfortable sharing about your process, this is your space after all so i say do what you want.

[Kendra]

One of my best friends will be going through an IVF cycle right along with y'all. All of my positive follicle thoughts (and prayers) will be going out to you through the next few months. Love you.

[QuirksandSmirks]

Best of luck! I'll be thinking about you guys :)

[CL]

Hi,
I have been following your blog for a little while but this is my first ever comment. I'm not sure how I stumbled upon your blog, but I loved your writing style so much that I kept checking in! We do share one thing in common, unfortunately--infertility. My husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant before finally seeing a positive home pregnancy test in October; unfortunately, I lost that pregnancy only a few short weeks later. It has been so painful, and it doesn't help that I'm surrounded by pregnant people. I guess want I wanted to say is that you are not alone in this struggle. My fingers and toes are crossed for you! Best of luck!

[Kate P]

Well, that is definitely good news about the house, and best wishes for everything else going on.

[Melissa]

Girl! I hope & pray it works the first time around. I do not blame you for not being sure how much you should share. I love & admire how open you've been through the whole thing, but will completely understand if/when you clam up on us! ;) {{{HUGS!}}}

[Annie]

Sending positive baby thoughts to you! My sister in law ended up with triplets after her first IVF. :)

[Elle sees]

I'm so excited! I can't wait to read the (hopefully) all good things.
Ps thanks for your sweet words. Sugar was an amazing lady.

[erin]

Keeping my fingers crossed and sending positive thoughts!

[Chelsea]

So obviously I'm a little behind - but I'm pullin' for you and your husband! Such a long, draining process, I'm sure. Good luck! You are an amazing woman, and a fantastic example of strength during trials. :)