Tomorrow Is Another Day...

Good Things

Last week was a whirlwind of events, and this week looks to be even crazier... followed by another busy week visiting my sister in NYC, then another busy week with multiple family members in town.  Fortunately, I had an incredibly low key weekend to recuperate and prepare myself for the onslaught.

But I'm really not complaining, because things have been going so much better than I thought possible.  We made our payments for our IVF cycle and my fertility medications, and much to our great shock, the total came to just a little over half of what we had budgeted.  Partially this is because we were initially planning on the multiple IVF cycle payment plan, so deciding to just go with the one cycle dropped our payments by about $5000.  Then there was the fantastic news that Tricare will cover part of the medication, dropping that payment about $2000 from our estimate.  Then, when we went to the clinic last week to sign some consents and get our finances in order, we were told that they had had a meeting with Tricare just the day before and the company had agreed to cover the $900 room fee.

It's funny how when you're preparing yourself for a bill in the five digits, a total in the four digits seems like pocket change in comparison.  I mean, a LOT of pockets full of change, but you know.  It softens the blow.

Still, we haven't quite cleared the financial obstacles ahead of us, so we aren't blowing our ravaged, but still intact nest egg on a round the world cruise or anything.  We hope against hope that we'll be one cycle wonders, but just in case we aren't, it's good to know that we've got a small buffer to help us through another cycle.

Then there's our beautiful, beloved Charleston home which we're planning to put on the market in mid-February.  We met with our realtors last week, and while they helped us feel a bit more optimistic that our house will sell fairly quickly, there's always the chance that we'll be responsible for two stateside mortgages as well as a steep deposit (usually one or two months rent) and rent payments in Germany.  But they seemed reasonably confident that we'll be able to at least get our money back on the house, and if we're lucky maybe a little more.

We've been spending each weekend for most of January going through each room of our house and making brutally difficult decisions about what will come to Germany, what will stay in storage in the US and what can go to consignment shops or Goodwill.  It's absolutely astounding the massive amount of stuff that accumulates with time.  We have only been here for two years and don't have an attic or a basement, so I honestly have no idea how all of this extra stuff has been floating around our house all this time.  But we are making progress, and I only have a few closets left to purge and plenty of time before the movers arrive.

I've also been working quite a bit, and still enjoying every minute of it.  I'm nannying four days a week, and with additional as-needed babysitting jobs, I'm typically working five or six days each week.  I'm very proud to say that with just a couple more weeks of work, I will have earned enough just from my jobs to cover our fertility meds.  The only regret I have is that I didn't get into this business a long time ago!

This week is full of more work, more home improvements, and lots of fun times with friends.  We've only got a little time left before our life changes dramatically in multiple ways, so I'm trying very hard to live each day to the fullest and not wish away the now in exchange for the unknown future.  Times they are a'changin'!

My Heart Is Going Pitter Patter

Oh, what a spectacular two weeks it has been.  My world has been completely turned upside down, but so far in only the best ways.

I would be lying my butt off if I said I wasn't the least bit nervous or anxious about moving to Germany, but so far any negative feelings have been completely trumped by my excitement.  I can hear the happiness in Colby's voice when he talks about it too, and it's so good for us to finally have something amazing to look forward to and help pull us out of the slump that we've fallen into this year.  I've already been hitting the German phrase books and (probably annoyingly) been dropping random German words and phrases into conversation.  I've been pestering friends with multitudes of questions and have justified the purchase of a few new items based on the fact that I will TOTALLY need new winter clothes for Germany!

On top of that, we found out that Colby will be coming home soon.  I can't say exactly when, but when I tell you soon, I mean SOON.  As in I just placed a call to our IVF coordinator so that we can start figuring out when we'll fit in our procedure between January and March!  SOON!!

I've been wandering through the house all morning thinking about how we'll stage it to sell, what items will come with us and what will go into storage, and all of the organizational projects I have in front of me to make this move as painless as possible.

And then, even in the midst of all the craziness, I made myself relax and enjoy a lovely Christmas at home with my family.  In past years it has become an all too rare incident for all of us to be sitting around the tree on Christmas morning, so I try not to take any of it for granted, and as fantastic as all of my gifts were, I spent most of my effort on imprinting memories into my brain and enjoying our time together.

Of course, I'm also another year older since the last time we met here in blogland.  On December 20th, my life calendar rolled over from 28 to 29 and I am now staring boldly down the barrel of 30.  And you know?  I'm not the least bit worried about it.

2011 has been a rocky year, at best.  There have been countless good moments for which I am truly grateful, but overall, I'm not sorry to be saying goodbye to this year.  2012 will bring with it so many adventures and dreams come true, that I can't help but look forward to it with hope and great expectations.  A new country, a new home, new friends, a new decade of life.  Bring it on 2012.  I'm ready for you!

Deutschland, Deutschland

It's hard to believe that just a little over two years ago I was excitedly announcing our assignment to Charleston, South Carolina.  A week and a half ago, I was still laboring under the delusion that we would be living here happily for at least another year--probably a bit longer.

Then Friday we got the news that we will be moving to Germany.  In May.

It's been three days since that shocking, sweeps week reveal, and things are finally starting to sink in.  We knew there was a chance that it would happen--we did put our name in the hat, so it wasn't entirely unexpected, but I don't think either one of us expected to actually get picked for the assignment.

There is so much to think about.  Colby will be coming home early from the deployment so that he can go to training for the new aircraft from March through April, then we'll be on our way to Europe a couple of weeks later.  We have to find out if we can squeeze in a round of IVF.  We have to sell our house, we might sell a car.  We have to decide what will go into storage while we're overseas, what will come on the quick shipment to live with us while we're in temporary housing.  We have to learn some German.  We have to get the dogs microchipped and injected full of various substances so that they can become international travelers.

And so, so much more.

But I am so, so excited.  Both of us have been dreaming of moving to Germany since we joined the Air Force.  We had really accepted that it probably wasn't in the cards for us since there are such limited opportunities there for someone on Colby's career path.  Then with our baby plans, it's not the best timing in the world, but one thing I've learned is that there is no such thing as perfect timing and you have to take advantage of opportunities when they arise.  Because they may never come around again.

So.  Anyone want to come visit me in Germany?

Poor Unfortunate Soul

It has been way too long since I blogged.  I've kept myself quite busy since my last post, and kept thinking, "I really must blog this," but now that I'm sitting down to write, I'm having trouble remembering all of the terribly interesting activities I've been getting up to.

Well, for one, I had my hysteroscopy last week, and the doctor removed a polyp from my uterus.  I'm proud to say that I have been polyp-free for four days now.  It was actually surprisingly painless, though I'm a little concerned that I may be a drug addict now.  My anesthesia was absolutely dreamy--literally, I had a wonderful dream having to do with a large Christmas tree and angels--and for 20 minutes I enjoyed the best sleep of my entire life.  I actually managed to wake up from anesthesia feeling remarkably rested.  Well, after it took 2 nurses to transport me from the procedure room to recovery.  For a minute there I felt more like I'd just downed three cosmos and a panty dropper than like I was recovering from minor surgery.
As a side-note, ever since I discovered that I may be rife with uterine polyps, I've been imagining that inside of me is a tiny reproduction of Ursula's garden of unfortunates in The Little Mermaid.  I imagined mine as a sort of greying, mustachioed little man--an unholy combination of a polyp and the Lorax.  I kind of miss him now that he's gone.

My parents were in town for the week, to ensure that I did not have any sort of anesthesia related emergencies, not the least of which included perusing the underbelly of Craigslist for enterprising doctors who may be convinced to ply me with a steady drip of propofol on a nightly basis.  They kept mentioning Michael Jackson.  I got the message loud and clear.

When we weren't spending quality family time at the fertility clinic, we managed to have a little fun out on the town.  They treated me to a mouth-wateringly delicious anniversary dinner at Hall's Chophouse in downtown Charleston, my mom and I spent a day knocking out our Christmas lists, and we even squeezed in a matinee of The Muppets.  I still tear up when I think about The Rainbow Connection number, though that may have still been the remnants of drugs giving me such a warm, glowy feeling.

They headed home on Friday, and I spent the weekend recovering from all of my non-hermit behavior with a full DVR and a new book.  I even managed to squeeze in a little money-making, babysitting for a new family with three adorable kids.

All in all, it's been a good few weeks, and my mood has been, for the most part, pretty elevated.  I feel like I've finally gotten into my deployment groove, and have somewhat acclimated to my routine of single spousehood.  Obviously, I really wish that Colby could be here for all of the holidays and, well, everything, but I'm in a pretty good place, and it seems like time is going by a little more quickly now than it did a few weeks ago.  I've still got plenty to keep me busy with my favorite hobby of uselessly stressing and fretting, but at least now when I cry I generally have a pretty good reason!

Ups and Downs: The I'm Still Here Edition!

Down: Clearly I abandoned NaBloPoMo.  I was all excited to participate, because when I did it a few years ago, I found lots of fun blogs and got some extra readers round these parts.  Sadly, this time it just feels incredibly impersonal, and I've had all of ONE hit from the extensive list of over 2000 participants.  I've also been feeling like blogging has been a "job" and I always promised myself that I'd never allow that to happen.  Blogging should be footloose and fancy free.  Unless someone starts paying me.  Anyone?  Bueller?
Up: That doesn't mean I've given up blogging altogether, just that I shan't be clogging up your Reader/Facebook/Twitter feed every bloody day.  I think we can all toast to that!

Down: Colby and I have had really rotten luck with the phones since he deployed.  He's been gone for just over three weeks now, and we've only managed to have one successful phone conversation.
Up: At least we got one phone call!  I try to remember how lucky we are to have all of the methods of communication that we do have available to us, and how much harder it would have been in the days of only being able to write a letter to the last known address and hoping it got there.  We got to talk for about 30 minutes on Wednesday, and it was glorious!  Here's hoping the internet continues to cooperate and we can do that again before another 3 weeks goes by.

Down: I've been so busy, I've really been letting the house go instead of sticking to my daily housekeeping chores.  I had some time to get things together today, but I've got a ways to go before my parents get in town on Monday.
Up: I've been so busy!  And my parents will be here in three days!  It really is amazing how much faster the time goes by when I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  Instead, I've been babysitting almost every day, spending time with friends, squeezing in lots of runs, and working on my Thanksgiving and Christmas to-do lists--I even made room in the budget (because I bought the tickets a month ago before there WAS a budget) to go see the national tour of In The Heights.  It made me wish I was a super sexy Latina!

Only Up!: Speaking of Thanksgiving, I'm SO excited to be hosting the big dinner at my house next week!  My parents will be in town and a few of my "single spouse" friends will be coming over with their kids to help us celebrate and feast!  I'll be talking more about my Turkey Day plans next week, but for now I need to hit the road for a seven mile run (hold me) and gear up for a working weekend.  Hasta luego mis amigos!

Eleventh Hour Eleventh Day Eleventh Month

I cannot remember a single moment in time when I haven't had identified with the military.  I have no idea how old I was when I got my first actual id card--twelve maybe?--but even before that day, I knew that I was a part of the military.  My father had spent 20 years in the Air Force, and even as a child, I was pretty proud of that.  Once he retired, and we had moved to Louisiana, not many of my friends had parents who had served in the military, so I always felt that it was a pretty unique defining characteristic.

Then, in high school, I decided to take a couple of years of JROTC so that I wouldn't have to take a phys ed course, and four years later, I was accepting an Air Force ROTC scholarship and signing a contract to commission upon graduation.  I traded in my dependent id for a reserve id.  Another four years down the road, I was once more signing on the dotted line as I accepted my commission as a 2nd Lieutenant and began active duty as a personnel officer at Little Rock AFB.

While I was proud to serve my country, being on active duty never felt like the right fit for me, so when I got the opportunity to separate and join the inactive ready reserves, I once again traded for a reserve id.  Not too long after that, I came full circle when I was issued the dependent id card that came with marrying into the military.

I'm incredibly proud of my family's military tradition.  Three of my four grandparents moved to America from other countries, in search of the American dream.  But in that short time since we were established in the United States, each generation of my family has served in the military.  My grandfather as a part of the Army Air Corps in WWII.  My father in Vietnam.  Me in Operation Push Papers.  And now my husband in Operations Enduring Freedom and New Dawn.

I'm celebrating Veteran's Day by giving thanks for all of the men and women who get up every morning and protect our country.  And I'm also giving thanks for the life that the military has afforded me.  It is far from perfect, and at times it can be downright miserable.  But it has given me a sense of pride and honor.  It has given me the opportunity to travel and to call so many places home.  It has brought so many wonderful people into my life.

And I'm shipping this off to my veteran who is far from home on this day that honors him.  I'd rather have him here, but if we have to be apart, I'm so proud that this is the work he's doing.  Thank you, Colby.  Thank you, daddy.  And thank you to anyone else who serves or has served.  America is a better place for having you.

The Impossible Dream

I'm reading Don Quixote right now, and I'm finding it surprisingly funny and touching.  I have been wanting to read it for a while because Man of La Mancha is one of my favorite musicals.  Or at least, it's one of my favorite soundtracks.  I've not yet had the chance to see it performed, but I've listened to the music while reading the libretto, and much like the book, it is both heartwarming, sad, and absurd.

So, as I make my way through the novel, I usually end up singing the music to myself as I read, and the songs get stuck on repeat in my head throughout the day.  Tonight, I decided to take a break from Christmas music to listen to the album, and when it got to The Impossible Dream, I stood frozen at the sink, hot water running, dirty pot in hand, listening to the lyrics.  Really hearing the words.

I've always thought it was a beautiful song, but as I listened this evening, my eyes filled with tears because it resonated in a new way.  It says everything I've been trying to tell myself over the past few months.  To be strong in the face of oppressive disappointment and sorrow.  To keep love alive when distance is a near constant companion.  To follow dreams into a world of fear and uncertainty in the hopes that we will come through intact.  To keep believing that despite seemingly endless setbacks, dreams can still become reality.  Clinging to those beliefs like a life raft to get myself through the bad days.

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm, when I'm laid to my rest
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach the unreachable star.

What Goes Down Must Come Up

Down: It has been an incredibly long week since Colby left, and I still have moments where I just want to stop whatever it is I'm doing and throw a good, loud tantrum.
Up: We're one week into this and that's one week less to get through.

Down: Colby's internet connection in Overtheristan is complete crap making it impossible for us to carry on a phone conversation over Skype.
Up: I finally figured out how to use the Skype app on my cell phone, so we're able to use the chat option like text messaging.  It's nice to not feel chained to my computer in order to hear from him.

Down: I left quite possibly the most embarrassing voicemail in my history of embarrassing voicemails for a propsective babysitting client.  I managed to 1) say "um" about seventeen times 2) refer to the two children of unknown gender who I would be watching as "her son" 3) sound as though I were about to hang up before launching into a whole new series of ridiculous sentences and 4) forget to say anything along the lines of "goodbye" before hanging up the phone and launching it across the room in sheer terror.
Up:  She called me back.  And I've got three other parent meetings set up for this weekend and early next week, as well as a job that will give me 15 hours over the course of Friday evening and Saturday.  Woo!

Down: On my Tuesday run, my knee started to feel twingy around mile two.  I kept running, and the pain was gone by the time I got home.  But then it started throbbing while I was in the shower, and has been sore ever since.  I've been scared to run on it, and tried wearing a brace yesterday, but the brace just hurt even more.  The pain has abated, so hopefully this is just a one off incident and I'll be back in business for my run today.
Up: My runs have been getting much better and are verging on enjoyable.  I've also been working on improving my speed, and am so close to getting my pace under 10 minutes, I can taste it!

Down: It's been about seven years in internet time since the new Facebook was released, and I still hate it.  There are so many posts from people I love that I never get to see, and while I used to get tons of hits and interaction on my blog from friends, now I get about 20-30 click throughs a day.
Up: I'm spending a lot less time on Facebook these days! 

What are your ups and downs this week?  I hope the ups are vastly outweighing the downs!

Off To A Good Start

I decided to begin this deployment as I mean to go on.  No... not crying alone in my car.  Not inhaling an entire carton of Pringles and a bag of Twizzlers in one sitting...  Maybe let's just not actually take Thursday into account at all.  But from Friday on, I was bound and determined to have a Good Weekend.

I kicked things off on Friday evening with a girls' night at a friend's house.  We ate tons of junk food, played corn hole in the dark (I still don't fully grasp that game), watched YouTube videos, and generally just helped take each others' minds off the fresh absence of our husbands.  I had intended to spend the night, but around 2 in the morning, I felt an overwhelming wave of homesickness and just wanted to be at my house.  Fortunately, I didn't have to call my mom to come pick me up--being 28 is SO much better than being six!

Saturday, I got the house in order, went for a four mile run, and made a sizeable dent in our DVR backlog.  Then, yesterday, I tried out Barsa, a tapas restaurant downtown, with a friend.  We've both been facing a lot of the same obstacles over this past year, so it's always nice to hang out and know that the other person just "gets it".  Also, the drinks and food were delicious!  I was thrilled to see "Pisco Disco" on the cocktail menu.  When I had my bachelorette weekend in New York many moons ago, we went to a swanky club where we ordered and subsequently fell in love with, Pisco Punch.  It's not a liquor I see on a menu often, but when I do I always try it out and bask in the fond memories.

I also uploaded a profile to a couple of babysitting sites, and have even booked a couple of jobs with a friend!  I'm really focused on trying to make some money over this deployment to put toward our Baby Buying Fund, and I like that with babysitting I can still retain some flexibility and make about the same hourly wage (if not more, which is pretty sad) than I would in many local office and childcare jobs.  Hopefully the jobs start trickling in soon.

This upcoming week is also pretty full, and I'm looking forward to brushing off the Alice in Wonderland costume for some Trick or Treating at the Outlets this afternoon!  Happy Halloween!!

Here I Go Again On My Own

And just like that, Colby is gone.

This deployment has been hanging over our head for about 10 months now, and yet it still managed to totally sneak up and blindside me.  I thought I was handling it so well.  I've been bracing myself for what seems like ages and almost hoping that D-Day would just get here so we could get it underway, then yesterday rolled around and I spent the whole day feeling utterly sick.  In fact, I actually think I'm handling this deployment worse than any of the previous three.  

Maybe it's because this has been such an emotionally draining year, and I expected things to be so different when this deployment rolled around.  Maybe it's because the thought of going through all of the holidays alone and then handling January and February--already my least favorite part of the year--is such a depressing thought.  Maybe it's because as much as I look forward to Colby's return home, I am dreading the coming of spring and all of the financial, emotional and physical stress that we'll have to face in our journey toward parenthood.  But any way I justify it, I can't remember feeling this bleak in the face of ~120 days apart.

Our first deployment was when I was still living in Arkansas, so I wasn't able to go to the deployment drop off.  The second deployment, Colby was on something called an Advon team--a small group of the squadron who leaves a few days early to arrive at the deployed location and make sure everything is set up properly and ready for the transition--so I did go to drop him off.  However, there were only a few other families present and one of my fellow spouse friends was a maintenance officer so we were actually able to go out on the plane to say goodbye to our husbands thanks to her connections.  Then last year, I left for Japan the day before the deployment, so my mind was distracted from the initial few days of his absence.  So last night was the first time I went to drop Colby off at the terminal, Hollywood movie style, and it was dreadful.

We walked into that room and everything felt wrong.  The lights were too bright.  The faces were pinched.  What laughter we did hear sounded forced and too loud.  People were sitting or standing around in small clusters, some staring blankly ahead, some trying too hard to pretend everything was totally normal.  It was terrible.  We dragged all of Colby's bags in, then immediately escaped back outside to say our goodbyes.  I can't imagine how other spouses stay there for hours waiting for the blade to fall.

 I think we were both trying to put on a brave face, but even Colby seemed more shaken up by this deployment than by others.  I struggled to stay calm, but couldn't help a few tears sneaking out, then as soon as he was gone, the dam broke.  It actually felt amazing to just let myself sob like an infant for a little while, and when I got home I consoled myself with a night of junk food and Project Runway (although the outcome of that only made me sadder), and eventually got to sleep.

Tonight I'm going to a friend's house to drink wine and eat junk food with some other girls, and I have dinner plans for Sunday.  I'm already counting down to my parents visiting in three weeks, and as much as we're pinching our pennies right now, I've worked a few trips out to visit friends into our budget and a nice long visit home for Christmas.  I know that I'll get through this, and we'll be that much stronger at the end of it.  I'm so, so incredibly proud of what Colby does, and cannot imagine my life any other way.  But oh... this just blows.

Gets Me Down, Picks Me Up

Lately things have been pretty up and down for me.  One minute I'm super excited and pumped up about life, the next I'm crushed and sad and certain I will never smile again (that may be a hyperbole for dramatic effect).

What's getting me down and picking me back up?

Down: Every time we do more fertility testing we get more bad news.  Now the doctor is saying I may have polyps or fibroids in my Ute Monster and he needs to do another expedition, this time with a camera, to go in there and check things out and possibly remove anything that could be on my lining.
Up: My fallopian tubes are super duper clear, so A+ tubies!  You're the first organs doing ANYTHING right in this whole process!

Down: I'm still bummed that Apple didn't release the iPhone 5 this go round since I've been waiting over a year to upgrade to it.
Up: The 4S is still miles, ages, and gallons better than the 1st generation iPhone I've been using since 2007.  It's still serviceable, but it is so slow and I've been scared to update the IOS for years in case it grinds to a halt.  I'm mainly looking forward to finally being able to download the Pinterest app!

Down: Soooo much driving this weekend.
Up: But all that driving means that we'll get to see our Tigers play and see our families.  Plus, I get to subject Colby to hours and hours of audiobooks--woo!

Down: The value of our house in Washington has dropped even more in recent months.  Every time we think it can't get any worse--IT DOES.
Up: We're closing on a refinancing on the WA house in a little over a week that will bring our monthly mortgage down a couple hundred dollars, and every time I check comps for our SC house it shows that the value has risen significantly since we bought.  Please, please let that be true and hold out for at least another year!

Down: Today is Colby's last day of work before the deployment.  This is becoming ALLLLL too real.
Up: I'm sure there's something good about this, but I can't think of it.

Oh, I Know: 120+ days of being able to sleep with the bottoms of the sheets tucked in!

What have been your ups and downs this week?

Wamp Wamp Weekend

Well, I tried to go into someone's house yesterday to claim it as my own, but everyone has ADT signs outside.  I didn't feel like getting the police involved in my attempted imperialism.  Also, it rained all day and I didn't want to tromp mud into someone's house.

Anyway, this wasn't the worst weekend ever, but I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty pathetic.  Colby has been working his butt off to finish his Masters program, and this semester he's taking two pretty intense classes.  So, his weekend was spent with his nose in a book trying to work out complicated accounting problems in preparation for his midterm tomorrow.  I'd hoped we'd be able to have a little bit of fun around the city since this is our last weekend in Charleston before his deployment, but alas, studies come first.

I did manage to shoehorn a little bit of fun into my weekend spent mainly either in front of the tv or behind a book.  Friday night, I spent my evening surrounded by jewels at a Lia Sophia party.  I went in promising myself I wouldn't spend much, and ended up with a sparkly necklace and two pairs of earrings.  But really, I SAVED so much money!

Saturday, I went for an absolutely glorious four mile run in the neighborhood.  Charleston is currently in the midst of one of the two or three months out of the year where it is quite enjoyable to run outside, and I've been taking full advantage.  It was my first time back up to the four mile mark since we got back from our vacation, and I saw a definite improvement in my pace from the last time I ran it.  I'm still slow as molasses, but more like warm molasses as opposed to cold.

Sunday, I dragged Colby out for a date night at a new (to us) pizza place before he buried himself back in schoolwork.  Then Monday rolled around, rainy, grey and uneventful.  The lazy weekend caught up with me last night, and I was wide awake until about 3:30 in the morning.  Of course, I did nothing to stop the vicious cycle by staying in bed until (cough, mumble, cough) 11 o'clock (cough) this morning.  But tonight, I'm hitting up the melatonin early.  I may not be able to conquer entire inhabited continents through the use of flags and deadly disease, but sleep?  Sleep I WILL conquer!

Past, Present, Future

I've been spending an awful lot more time lately traveling and recapping trips than keeping the old blawg up to date on my day to day life.  Posts have been a bit sparse because we've had a pretty busy time of it.  October is a huge transition month for us, with lots of good things leading up to the huuuuuge bummer that is Colby's next 120-day deployment.  We've been dreading it for ages--probably ever since we found out that it would be less than a year from his last return that he would leave again--so in a way, I think we're ready to just get it started so it will be over soon.
Last week, my fabulous friend, Jessica, and her recently aquired husband visited Charleston for a few days.  I crashed their romantic vacation a few times, making awkward Sister Wife jokes, and the highlight was certainly our dinner at the much buzzed about restaurant, Husk.  From being Bon Appetit's recently named #1 new restaurant in America, to Sam Sifton, the New York Times restaurant critic (and soon to be National Editor), calling it the best place to eat outside of New York City, Husk is possibly one of the most talked about restaurants in the country, and certainly in the South.  

From the website: At Husk there are some rules about what can go on the plate. “If it doesn’t come from the South, it’s not coming through the door,” says Brock, who has even stricken olive oil from the kitchen. As he explains, the resulting cuisine “is not about rediscovering Southern cooking, but exploring the reality of Southern food.”

And it was absolutely delicious.  I could have eaten an entire vat of the bacon and cheese grits, and my seared duck breast seemed to melt in my mouth.  Everyone else was thrilled with their meals as well, and given that the menu changes every day based on what is in season and locally available, I'm looking forward to seeing what the options will be at a different time of the year.  

Jessica and I also did some damage on the shops on King Street, and tried out the seafood at Coast restaurant.  Verdict: Decent food, TERRIBLE service.  It was so much fun to relive our memories of meeting in Ireland when we were just wee little college students, and it was great to get to know her husband better.

Once they left town, the weather shifted drastically, and Fall was upon us.  I've been enjoying my boots and new sweaters and plan to enjoy these cool temperatures for as long as they last.  I spent Saturday night drinking wine around a firepit with friends, and it was the perfect way to welcome in the new season.

Today, we're bracing ourselves for our first visit with a reproductive endocrinologist at a local fertility center.  I've been researching the doctors and the clinic success rates online, and I'm feeling incredibly hopeful about what we'll discuss today.  More on that later.

As for the rest of the month, we're heading to an LSU game in Tennessee on the 15th, then driving down to Louisiana to spend some time with Colby's family.  I'm looking forward to seeing the Tigers continue their incredible winning streak in Knoxville, and having someone to split the drive home with me!  But we'll leave it at that, because after we get back home comes the depressing part of the month, and right now I just want to focus on the good.

So Much More Complicated Than It Needs To Be

I am absolutely at my wits end.  I am supposed to be getting answers, making a plan, learning what it is that we're up against.  Instead, I feel like a dog spinning around endlessly chasing my tail.

As I mentioned in a previous post, this cycle we started our fertility testing.  I went in two weeks ago and had my blood drawn for the cycle day 3 labs, Colby gave his... erm... sample on the 25th.  We have still been unable to track down any of the results from any of the tests.  In both cases the lab at one location was supposed to send the results to a doctor at another location, and instead I've been ping ponging back and forth between nurses who tell me they've not received any labs, or that they've faxed labs, or that from their end they aren't able to access my information.  I am about this close to ripping out all of my hair.  At this rate, I'll be going in to do my second blood draw for my next labs before we've gotten any information about our first.

I know that I'm incredibly lucky to have decent health insurance that is, for the most part at this stage, taking good care of us and covering our quest to become parents.  But it is so frustrating when one hand doesn't talk to the other hand.

Because of our level of coverage, I have to have all of my labwork done on base, but because the base no longer provides GYN services, I see a doctor off-base.  Colby did his testing at a fertility center because the base doesn't run that lab, but sees a doctor on base.  And in each case, it seems as though Colby and I are the only people who give two hoots about where exactly in the ether our results may be floating.

On top of that, it's impossible to just pick up the phone, make a call and speak with an actual person.  In each instance that I need to speak with a nurse at either the base or my OB's office, I have to work my way through a labryntine maze of "press 1 for this, press 3 for that" and then at the end of it all, leave a message and wait hours (usually a full day) for a return call.

Yesterday, I had a long conversation with my on-base nurse about how she had faxed over my lab results and how she needed to speak with my off-base doctor about where I would get my HSG done so that Tricare would cover it.  It seemed like finally everything was under control.  This morning, I got a call from my off-base doctor's nurse asking me where I was going to get my HSG done because my on-base nurse needed to know.  OH MY GOD.  THIS IS NOT MY JOB.  Oh, and according to my charts, they hadn't received any lab results.

I understand that I'm hardly the first person to have to go through this annoyance.  I know that a few days isn't going to change the results or change anything about how my body works, but I just want to know.  Knowing that there are answers out there, and I just can't get my hands on them is absolutely infuriating.

Not to mention, I'm afraid to do anything (go to the gym, take a shower) that will take me away from my phone, on the off chance that one of the nurses will call me, I'll miss it, and be sentenced to yet another day of leaving a message and waiting for the phone to ring.

And with that, I'm off... to wait for the phone to ring.

I'm Baaaaaack!

Not that I actually went anywhere, but we were without internet for much of the weekend and blogging on my iPhone is about my least favorite thing in the world.  However, all is well now as our connection is faster than ever and I talked down our monthly bill through the cunning use of whining.  Huzzah!

It ended up being a splendiferous weekend, though it was certainly touch and go there for a couple of days.  While I was so thrilled that Colby was supposed to be home for two weeks between his spate of trips, the Air Force was doing everything in its power to ruin things.  First, they were going to send him on a five day trip over the weekend.  We were bummed about that, but as soon as we'd accepted it, the schedulers realized that they'd made an error on the length of the trip and Colby wouldn't get back from it in time to leave on his next trip.  So yay!  We had our weekend back!  Then we got the call that Colby would have to stay on base starting on Friday through the weekend until Wednesday.  Much anger and frustration was called forth, the schedulers must have realized they needed to find another pilot to abuse before they lost their go-to guy.  And with that, we decided to run off to Myrtle Beach for the day before they changed their minds again.

Myrtle Beach was... interesting.  We entered the town through a street ornamented wih such entertainment options as The Pink Pussycat (formerly The Bunny Ranch), an assortment of adult oriented shops, and various other "Girls! Girls! Girls!" themed storefronts.  So we were a little leary from the get go, then driving down the main drag we got the feeling that everything needed to be hosed down with chlorine and given a fresh coat of paint.  I've heard that the area a bit north from the main street along the beach is nicer, but we were surrounded by a sea of airbrush t-shirt stalls, Ripley's Believe it or Not, and a surprising variety of pancake houses... and the actual sea.  It was a fun day trip, but we were very happy to return to our own less spring break geared beaches.

On Saturday, we spent the morning with our pal, the Comcast guy, working on repairing our internet, then headed over to a friend's house for her 2-year-old's birthday party. It included pizza, a butter yellow cake with chocolate frosting and watching little kids whaling on a pinata, a few of my favorite things.  Sunday we laid low and saved up our energy for 4th of July excitement, and Monday we scooted over to Sullivan's Island for a beach day with some friends.

We ate at Dunleavy's Pub, which had a wide selection of seafood, pub food, and "American fare" like hot dogs, hamburgers, and grilled cheese.  It was definitely a candidate for a return visit in the future.  Once I'd tucked away a chili cheese slaw dog and a couple of hard ciders, we headed down to the beach.  I loved that there was a deep tide pool that we could swim around in and cross to reach a sandbar that led to the open ocean on the other side.  I deluded myself into feeling much safer in the tide pool because only really small sharks could be swimming around in there looking for feet to chew on.  Once we were thoroughly baked, we came back home where we curled up for some Twilight Zone action and watched the amazing fireworks show put on by our neighbors.

It was really the perfect weekend with a very carefully balanced amount of fun and excitement and chilling at home, and I am so, so, so grateful that Colby was able to be home to enjoy it with me.  I hope all of you Yanks had an amazing holiday weekend, and for the rest of you I hope your 4th of July was just as swell as any other Monday!

Fishy Fishy Fishy

It may not be officially summer just yet, but don't try to tell Charleston that!  And this weekend I was lucky enough to have pretty much the perfect summer days.  I kicked things off on Friday by meeting a friend at the library downtown for their book sale where I was able to score 12 books for $16--I have so much reading ahead of me now!  So, I felt pretty fiscally responsible about my literary haul when I met Colby for a meeting with our financial advisor, and then joy of joys, he got to come home!  (Colby, not the financial advisor--although that could be pretty handy.)

Saturday we had the pleasure of joining some friends of ours out on their boat for a full day at sea--at river?  I don't know, the water was salty.  Where ever we were, we saw TONS of dolphins capering in the water.  At one point, we were front and center for a feeding frenzy as four dolphins went to town chowing down as fish parts, fins, and tails flopped and flew through the air.  It was an amazing experience, and Colby even got to swim with the dolphins as a couple of fins were spotted during his turn wakeboarding.

Sunday we continued the sea creature trend, meeting some other friends and their little ones at the aquarium.  We were incredibly spoiled by the fantastic aquarium in Seattle, but we still had fun watching the turtles, jellies, and fish at the SC Aquarium.  After a delicious lunch at the always popular Fleet Landing, Colby and I headed home and I somehow ended up napping the rest of the day away.  A little too much sun, fun, and adventure for my energy level I suppose!

I had made a joke last week that if Colby was able to stay home for just four days, we'd be breaking a record for the past few months.  Unfortunately, we won't be breaking any records this time as this morning he packed up his bags and shipped out for the next week.  Sigh.  I have a lot of fun activities planned for this week and the weekend, but I'm pretty sad that for yet another week I'll be coming home to an empty house.  I'm really hopeful that when he gets home from this trip, I'll get to keep him at home for the next two weeks until he's off for his next spate of trips.  Two weeks--what on earth are we going to do with each other with that much time together!

Not Getting My European Hopes Up...

Isn't that the dumbest concept in the world?  When something really exciting is on the horizon, but it's not definite, so you run around shrieking to everyone "But I'm not getting my hopes up!!" as though by saying it loud enough and enough times, it will be true?  Well, I'm not getting my hopes up, but there is the distinct possibility that two months from today Colby and I will be in Deutschland!!

His leave has been approved by the Air Force, I live in a permanent state of leave-taking, we've got the money saved up due the the disastrous but ultimately free Mediterranean cruise of 2010, now it all comes down to securing transportation.  We've been saying since we moved to Charleston that we were going to try to Space A over to Germany.  For those of you who weren't following along last year, you can go here and here to learn about Space A and my previous unsuccessful attempts.  Suffice it to say, after planning a trip using military transport and having everything fall through, I'm a little nervous about whether this will actually work out.  But we've got 2 1/2 weeks to play with and absolutely no set plans, so I'm trying to be optimistic.

This is a particular challenge to me because I am a planner.  Every vacation I've ever taken has an itinerary and prebooked activities, and I LIKE it that way.  We always have free time to do whatever strikes our fancy at the time, but it's SCHEDULED free time.  This time, I can't plan anything.  I have lists of hotels, lists of museums, lists of tours, but we can't book a darn thing until we have our feet firmly planted somewhere in the European Union.  That said, of course I've put together a sketchy itinerary of things that we'd like to do in the optimal situation.

This one is pretty obvious, yes?  PARIS!!!

Giverny to see Monet's bridge and water lilies.

Be still my nerdy English history heart--Bayeux to visit the Bayeux tapestry and the Normandy beaches.

Munich--I honestly don't know that much about Germany which is terrible since my grandfather lived there as a child, but it looks beautiful!

I'll let you know if the hills are alive with the sound of music in Salzburg.

And finally, a couple of days of complete relaxation in stunning Hallstatt, Austria.

There's plenty of room and flexibility to move days around as needed, or even cut some locations if necessary, but in the meantime, I'm having an amazing time dreaming of our European adventure!  Have you been to any of these cities?  Any must do or must eat there tips?  What are you most looking forward to this summer?

Little Orphan Puppies

In a shocking twist worthy of a Twilight Zone episode (IT'S A COOKBOOK!!!) Colby got a phone call mere moments after I published my last post telling him that he was being honored with yet one more week of living on base.  (I know that "living on base" sounds kind of weird, but due to the nature of the mission, I really can't give any more information, just know he isn't living there because he snores a lot at night!)

We headed to the grocery store to pick up a few things, and while we were in the dog shampoo aisle, I spotted a new-fangled invention for grinding down dog nails rather than chomping them off with clippers.  My psycho dog Jack is absolutely neurotic about his feet.  He really doesn't like people touching them at all, and he absolutely hates having them groomed in any way.  The vet once told us that they would have to put him to sleep (like, temporarily, not euthanasia) in order to trim his nails and the little feathery hairs between his foot pads.  He's also INCREDIBLY STRONG.  Between the two of us, we've got about 6 times his body weight, and he is still entirely capable of twisting free from our iron grips.  And plus, we're pushovers and hate it when he cries.  So, his nails quite frequently reach talon-like levels of danger, and it was long past time for something to be done.

I decided that obviously the new-fangled grindy tool would be absolutely perfect and Jack would totally love it.  I have difficulty setting realistic expectations.  So, the moment we got home, we headed out to the back porch black, fluffy dog in tow, and set about to beautify his claws.  Jack immediately knew what we were up to and went into full fledged seizure activity, determined that we would not get our hands on his paws.  We tried everything--flinging our bodies on top of his, holding all of his appendages, speaking soothing words, hollering our heads off--I swear, even Cesar Milan wouldn't be able to get near this animal's feet.

After about 45 minutes, we had managed to get one set of nails ground down to manageable levels, and we were all psychologically scarred for life.  Jack was attempting to hide under an open shelf that offers absolutely no concealment, Colby's little bleeding heart was broken from the pain of repeatedly assaulting our dog, and I had run out of cookies with which to bribe him.  We decided that one foot was good for one day and headed inside for a stiff drink.

I spent Friday afternoon and evening with Colby on base, then Saturday I had a baby shower and a footloose and fancy-free evening out with some of my girlfriends.  The baby shower went a bit long, and when I got home I tried to spend some quality time with my beasts knowing that they'd be alone for another long chunk of time that night.  Let me tell you, quality time with your animals is a challenge when it's hot as Hades outside and one of them has absolutely no interest in playing with toys.  I fed them early, gave them plenty of outside time, then headed downtown for a little lowlevel debauchery.

A friend and I had decided to split a cab back to her house, and I spent the night there to sleep off the various wine and vodka-based imbibery that had occured over the course of the evening.  I had every intention of waking up early to get home and rescue my dogs from their night of solitude, but then I didn't and made it home around eleven the next morning.  They had been shockingly good, with the only mess I found being a bit of shredded tissue paper left over from the shower gift wrapping session.

But I once more spent a few hours of time with them (and admittedly more than a couple of those hours were spent with our eyes closed), and then left once again to visit Colby in prison--I mean, on base.  They've been good so far, but I'm going to keep checking my internet history to ensure that they're not searching Craigslist or adoption sites for new people who actually live at home.

Will you be our mummy?

Quality Over Quantity

It's not much of a secret that Colby and I don't get to spend a whole heck of a lot of time together.  With his job, he averages about 6 months out of the year away from home, and last year was one of the worst with him being gone over 200 days of the year.  The worst part is that frequently, his trips are unexpected and it's difficult to plan anything--even a backyard barbecue--without specifically taking vacation time to guarantee that he won't be somewhere on the other side of the world.

We've accepted that this is just the way things are going to be for at least the next year and a half, and it's pretty unlikely that things will improve dramatically at our next base, but this past month and a half has been particularly frustrating as he had to live on base for one week, then was in Africa for two weeks, then I went to Disney World for a week, and then he left just days later for a two week trip to Asia.  Since he got back home on Monday, he's had time off and we've been trying to make the most of it while he's home.

Every now and then I start thinking about looking for a job, just to have something to do on a regular basis and funnel more money into my Shoes & Travelling account, but then there are the times like these where I'm lucky enough to be able to spend time with Colby during his strange "weekends".  I think part of my misery in Washington was not only due to the weather, but the fact that between my work schedule and Colby's work schedule, I felt that I never really got to see my husband except for the few hours I could keep my eyes open between dinner and bedtime and the rare weekends we had together.  I love having the flexibility to spend time together whenever the Air Force decides that we can have it.

So far this week we've spent time at the dog park, indulged in delicious meals out at favorite restaurants, headed out to Folly Beach for a perfect day with sun, sand and waves, and this evening we're hoping to take in a Piccolo Spoleto show before the festival passes us by.  It's been a lovely week together, and as of right now, it looks like I'll have him around until the beginning of July when he'll once more be jetting off for a week-long school and then heading to New Mexico to visit a friend for a guys' week.  After that, we'll have just a few more months before he leaves for his next long deployment.

But the best thing I can do is not focus on how little time we have together, but instead think of all the fun things that can be squeezed into a South Carolina summer--the Biltmore is beckoning, we've got a variety of beautiful beaches to choose from, and things are looking up for another trip to Europe in August.  We may not spend a lot of time under the same roof, but what time we do have together we make count as best we can.

An Extroverted Weekend

Based on my weekend, you'd never know what a massive introvert I am--well, except for the fact that I had to spend Sunday in my Fortress of Solitude to recover from all of the socialness.

I began the weekend by meeting up with a friend at a fabulous butcher shop/restaurant downtown, Ted's Butcherblock.  In the first place, I find it absolutely charming that there are still dedicated butchers plying their meaty trade in this day and age.  Ted's offers a vast array of meats, cheeses, gourmet raviolis, and a wide variety of spreads, wines and appetizery delights.  On top of their butchery, they have a sizeable menu of sandwiches, soups, and salads, and every Friday night, they serve a delicious dinner and dessert for $12.  

On Friday, we were treated to a mouth-watering Lemon Garlic pork loin served over an eggplant tapenade and goat cheese couscous, all sprinkled with delicious fresh peas.  For dessert, there was a massive lemon bar--we're talking about 4-5" square--topped with a mango chili granita.  I wasn't sophisticated enough to appreciate the spicy/sweet combination, so I scraped off the granita, but the lemon bar was phenomenal.  They were also having a $5 wine tasting with proceeds supporting charity, so we got to taste four delicious French wines and I found a new favorite: Château de Ségriès Cotes du Rhone.  We wrapped up the evening taking in a stunning performance by the Shen Wei Dance Arts who is in Charleston as a part of the world-famous Spoleto arts festival.

Saturday, I rolled out of bed and headed to a local county park to beat my all-consuming fear of heights into submission at the rock climbing wall.  There was a portable climbing wall that was about 30 feet high and the 50 foot permanent wall with a wide variety of routes at various skill levels.  I started out on the 50 foot wall, and made it a little less than halfway up the first time, before the sweats, nausea and dizziness set in and I had to rappel down.  So, we headed over to the portable wall so I could get a little more comfortable with less height.  I somehow made it to the top of that wall before closing my eyes, dropping downward and landing on the ground in a quivering pile of jelly.  Then it was back over to the 50 foot wall where I made it about 3/4 of the way up before I just couldn't bring myself to go any higher.  We're planning to go back next week to give it another go, and I really want to get to the top of that dang wall.

I wrapped up the day with a first birthday party for an adorable little buddy of mine, and then went to a going-away party for a couple who we first knew in Washington, and is now leaving us for greener pastures in the Northeast.  We've had to say goodbye to so many people over the past couple of months, it's hard to believe that we've already been here for a year and a half, and may only have another year and a half left to go.

Sunday, I settled firmly into my little groove on the couch and became thoroughly obsessed with HBOs Game of Thrones.  I also fit in a run and did a little cleaning because COLBY IS COMING HOME TODAY!!!!  And I always like him to think that I keep the house spotless in his absence so that he is pressured to put his socks in the laundry bin.

One of the Good Ones

It is so easy to take our loved ones for granted.  In particular, the ones that live side by side with us every day.  Husbands.  Mothers.  Fathers.  Children.  They're always there--dropping dirty clothes on the floor by the hamper.  Leaving dirty dishes in the sink.  You see them with bed head, unbrushed teeth, pajama pants suitable for a flood.  You lose your temper over silly things, pick fights when you're feeling emotional, turn a cold shoulder in the face of an apology.  They see you when you're sick, vulnerable, imperfect.

And then the dirty laundry is washed, folded and put away, and the floors around the hamper are bare.  The dirty dishes piled up in the sink are all your own.  You brush your hair, put on a pretty dress, and go out, then come home to pajamas and an empty house.  You lose your temper, and there's no one there but yourself.  No one else to listen, to bear the brunt of your emotions when it's impossible to keep them inside.

Those are the times you realize how lucky you are.  How rare it is to find a person who will love you despite the dirty laundry.  Despite the stupid arguments, the neediness when you're sick, the flannel pajamas, the rumpled hair.  Or maybe because of the arguments, the neediness, the pajamas, and the hair.  That being there through all of those moments is so much more important than being there when the clothes are perfect, the evening fun or romantic, the conversation scintillating.  How important it is to have someone who knows when you need to be left alone, and when you need to be held.Or knows when you just need to hear, I hope you're feeling better.  I'll be home to take care of you tomorrow.  I love you.

Osama: This Military Wife's Perspective

You can't go to a news site, a social media site, turn on the television or look at a newspaper without seeing the words:

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

Last night, Twitter exploded with the news long before President Obama came onto our televisions to share his eloquent words with us about the closing of this chapter.  Facebook followed not long after Twitter.  It was an eye-opening experience, one that laid political prejudices bare, ripped scabs off of old wounds.  A combination of frenetic joy and rejoicing, and a sickening sense of fear and foreboding for what still lies ahead.

*****

A discussion of Bin Laden's death can't be held without a discussion of 9/11.  I was a sophomore in college.  I had slept through my first class and raced to my Biology lecture so that I wouldn't be late for my nine-thirty class.  I ran into a friend outside the door, her face white, eyes large.  "There's been an attack, I don't know what's going on, military bases have gone to THREATCON Delta."  She was prior enlisted and we were both enrolled in Air Force ROTC together.  We went to class and sat through the lecture on pins and needles.

As soon as class was over, I raced to the student Union, the words buzzing around me the whole way.  I didn't go back to my room, even though it was closer.  Somehow, I knew that at that moment, I couldn't be alone.  This was before I had a cell phone.  Email was something I checked maybe once a day.  I felt scared and alone--I needed to surround myself with people, even if they were strangers.  Once in the Union, I made my way to the theater, where they had the screen set to CNN.  As I walked in, they were reshowing it.  A plane, hurtling into the side of the building.  A tower folding in on itself.  Papers flying out of windows... no, people.  After that, all I remember is sinking into the nearest chair, sobbing in the darkness, surrounded by the sound of grief and fear.

*****

Ten years later, the mastermind behind these attacks is dead.  It is strange that I do not find myself jumping up and down with joy.  I have a sense of relief that this small chapter has closed.  This mass murderer met his end, and he will no longer be able to shape minds and lead men.  But there are others.  There are so many others.  It is frightening to think about how many other extremists are still out there, and what their potential reactions to this news will be.

Our troops are still there.  This news does not mean that today they are packing their bags and booking their plane ride home.  I am so proud of what we have managed to accomplish as a nation and as someone who is still connected to the military by numerous threads.  But I cannot help but wonder what this means for our men and women who serve.  I question what our way forward is.  I worry about retaliation.  I worry about what this means for relations with Pakistan.  I fear that rather than shortening our time in this war, it has only tangled us up in it further.

And as proud as I am of our country, I was disgusted by many of the things I saw come across my computer screen last night.  I try to remind myself how emotional last night was for many people.  That with the advent of social media, many people publish words without much forethought or introspection into what they are saying.  What their words mean.  

Ten years ago, news like this brought us together, united us as a nation as we waited to hear what our President would say.  Last night, I felt that the fractures in our country only became more apparent as people made "jokes" about "Osama/Obama all the same!" referred to our "deadbeat President" who was "taking all the credit for Osama's death".  Excitement about the war being over, now that Osama is dead, it has all been worth it.

I wish I could feel that way.  Thousands of people died on 9/11.  Since then over 1,000 US troops have died in Afghanistan, close to 9,000 Afghan civilians, another 1,000 in coalition troops, journalists and contractors.  More than 4,000 US troops killed in Iraq, 864,000 Iraqi civilians, and close to 1,500 coalition troops, journalists and contractors.  At the most conservative counts, not including Iraqi and Afghan soldiers, close to a million people have lost their lives in this endless war. [Numbers as of August 2010, source]

Now Osama Bin Laden is dead.  To me, his death cannot make such a staggering number of deaths worth it.  I feel that had he lived or died, these people gave their lives in service and the gratitude that we give them as a nation, might in some way make it worth it.  But is death ever worth it?  And worth what?  Where do you draw the line in justifying deaths.

This is becoming more political than I intended.  I worry for my husband who is overseas, thank God, not in Afghanistan right now.  I want to hear his voice, just to know that he is still out there somewhere.  I worry for the future of our nation and for our troops.  I give my most fervent support and gratitude to the men and women who are responsible for the demise of one of the world's most reviled men.  As someone on Twitter said, "our Hitler".

"We will be relentless in defense of our citizens and our friends and allies. We will be true to the values that make us who we are. And on nights like this one, we can say to those families who have lost loved ones to al Qaeda’s terror: Justice has been done." President Obama, May 1 2011

"The fight against terror goes on, but tonight America has sent an unmistakable message:  No matter how long it takes, justice will be done." Former President George W. Bush, written statement, May 1 2011

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In #33

First thing, I want to thank everyone for the incredibly thoughtful comments left on my last post.  I've got to tell you, I hesitated for quite some time before hitting "publish", and even thought about deleting it once it was posted.  But I'm so glad that I left it up, and so honored to have such intelligent readers.  I love that whether we agree or disagree, everyone was respectful of others, and not a single troll came out of the woodworks or someone looking for a fight.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I'm a lucky blogger!
1) During military separations (whether short or long) how do you keep yourself positive and motivated?
Our short separations are usually only a couple of weeks, so I pretty much continue on with business as usual, maybe trying to schedule a few more lunches and outings with friends to make the days go by.  We're also quite lucky, that thusfar our longest separations have only been about 4 1/2 months (not counting the 6 month separation brought about just by long distance dating and busy work schedules back in the day).  During those months, I try to plan as many trips as possible and beg everyone I know to come visit me.  Last deployment, I went to Japan, New York, Vermont, and Louisiana.  My sister, San Fran BFF, and momsie came to visit for about a week apiece.  I finished my Masters degree, thought about adopting a cat, worked my way through Insanity, and had tons of fun with friends in the local area.  The time FLEW by! 

2) What is your favorite concert you have ever been to?
Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Christmas concert.  I've been twice--once in Arkansas and once in Seattle.  Both times were amazing, and I'd love to go again in the future. 

3) What do you miss most about your “hometown”?
CRAWFISH BOILS!!!!  Oh my God, I miss crawfish so freaking much.  (My hometown is Baton Rouge, LA.  We love us some mudbugs.)

4) If you could run in any race, which charity would you choose to support?
Breast cancer, for my mom, the survivor!  I'm contemplating traveling somewhere to participate in the 3-Day Walk this year.  We'll see how the next few months shake out. 

5) You find out Willy Wonka is your father, what 3 course meal do you INSIST he create in that stick of gum?
Hmmm... A caprese salad, extra cheesy baked macaroni and cheese, and tiramisu.  Perfect meal!  What meal would you want?

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In #32

1) Do you or your {spouse} ever wish your {spouse} was in a different branch of the military?
No way on earth.  We do our fair share of bitching and moaning about the Air Force, but the bottom line is that out of all the services they definitely treat their people the best.  That's not to say that we don't have all the respect in the world for other services.  There's plenty of good natured ribbing that goes on between the services, but we all need each other to get the mission done. 

2) What duty station(s) are on your “No Way, Hell No, Not Going, Have Fun Unaccompanied” list and why?
I joke about the fact that if Colby gets stationed in Alaska, he'd be going on his own!  I wouldn't really send him off into the ice floes alone, but I would have a really hard time there.  Washington state was enough to nearly kill me--Alaska seems like it would be a million times worse.  But hey, maybe I'd be surprised and love it.  (Doubtful.) 

3) If you could be one age forever, what age would you choose and why?
This is hard for me to answer, and for whatever it says about me, I've thought about it a lot.  My gut reaction is nine-years-old.  I *loved* 5th grade, school was still easy as pie at that point, I played outside after school with my sister and best friends every day.  I was only allowed an hour of television a day (I picked a half hour and my sister picked a half hour), so I had tons of reading and writing time.  All in all, it was awesome.  BUT, I wanted to be grown up so badly.  So, if I could pick that age, it would be with the caveat that the burning desire to be an adult was excised from my personality!  Otherwise, I'd say 25.  Newly married to Colby, in our lovely house, surrounded by a close circle of friends, no conception of the stresses brought by the crashing real estate market.  But then again, 28 is pretty awesome too! 

4) If you were a breakfast cereal, which one would you be?
I choose not to be cereal, thank you! 

5) What is your morning beverage of choice and why?
A nice strong black tea with cream!  My current favorite is Numi Breakfast Blend.  I discovered it first at a restaurant in San Francisco, and it is the perfect combination of strength and smoothness.  Delish!

Food, Fun and Flooring

Oh what a lovely weekend!  It's fitting that Monday dawned with a healthy dose of fog in the air to lend a grey cast to my feelings of mourning now that Colby is back to his long days at work and I... have a house to clean.

We kicked off the weekend with a Friday out on the town in downtown Charleston.  It has been over a year since the last time I went out to a bar--well, excluding my visits to NYC to visit my sister, because vacations don't count--just to "go out".  And before that, well, it had probably been another year.  We've just definitely left that part of our lives behind us, and we're both pretty okay with that.  But one of our college pals was in town for the week with his squadron, and by gosh and by golly, we were puttin' on our fancy shoes and venturing out into the night.  We started out with a delicious seafood dinner at Hank's Seafood, then headed over to the upstairs deck bar at Henry's on Market Street.

Initially, we felt young and spry with our energetic, going out selves, but as the night wore on, we felt as though we aged with each passing minute.  Evidently, the Charleston bar scene is a little... um... fancier (sluttier?) than the Baton Rouge college town bar scene I cut my teeth on.  The girls were all wearing barely there minis--cut up to here and down to there.  Their hair was teased.  They turned up their shrill giggles to 11, and they skulked among the fighter pilots with talons extended and breasts bared as much as public decency laws will allow.  By the time midnight rolled around, Colby and I were sending emergency eye signals to one another, silently plotting our escape.

Saturday greeted us with a beautiful blue sky and perfect spring temperatures (please, no one tell Charleston that it's still only February), and I managed to drag myself out of bed at a decent hour so that I could meet a friend at an adorable little restaurant/antique shop in historic Summerville, This Whole House.  It was a delicious lunch with great company, and I was glad to squeeze in as much time as possible with her since she'll be leaving me soon for greener Air Force pastures.

When I returned home, our taxes had magically been done, inserting a tidy sum of money back into our pocketbooks.  One of the very few benefits of Colby's job is that tax time is always a very happy one for our little family.  Sunday, we stayed pretty low key, just making a trip out to Lowe's because we cannot go a full month without giving them our money.  We also watched the Oscars and I was very happy about all of the Best Actor/Actress/Movie winners, and lusted very openly over Anne Hathaway's stage looks--more specifically the blue Armani Prive and the red Atelier Versace.  God.  Gorgeous.  

However, the best part of Sunday was when the man of the house entered into a verbal agreement that we need to replace the hideous, crud infested carpet downstairs.  I am pretty sure that was legally binding.  HUZZAH!!!!!  Small victories, people.  Small victories.

Pizza SAVES LIVES!!!

New deployment coping, and potentially SURVIVAL, strategy.  Order a pizza from the local Domino's every day.

Now, when I inevitably fall down the stairs and can't get up, maybe someone will notice my plight BEFORE the dogs eat my face.

The new Domino's:  Now with better sauce, a rockin' pizza tracker, and MedicAlert training.

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In #28

1) If you were a famous movie star, what types of movies would you star in?
Historical dramas, no doubt.  From the moment I fell madly in love with Gone with the Wind to my weakness for BBC costume dramas, I have dreamed of playing a beautifully dressed woman of days gone by in a film with an astronomical costume budget.  Of course, with my luck, I'd probably end up cast as the hard-luck guttersnipe dressed in dirty rags. 

2) What is a vacation you would like to take if money were no object?
This is tough, because there are so many places I want to go.  Just one of my many dreams is Paris.  I would take a first class flight direct from the East coast to Charles De Gualle airport, where I would be met by the driver of a fancy limousine who would spend the next weeks driving me everywhere I want to go.  I would spent the next week in a Frenzy of Parisian delights, then set off for a 2-3 week tour of France stopping at Giverny, Normandy, the Loire Valley, the Champagne region, and the French Riveira.  And of course staying in nothing but the finest establishments--The Ritz in Paris and a swanky castle in the Loire--and eating the creme de la creme of French culinary delights!

Um.  I'm ready to go now.

3) Did you have pets growing up?

Tinkerbelle "Belle" Kriger
July 1994 - November 2010 

4) What do you do for exercise?
Run slowly.  I really like Jillian Michaels and Insanity for building up my manly muscles. 

5) What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received as a MilSpouse?
Whatever you do, always make sure there is a bottle of wine standing by.

Oh, What A Beautiful Weekend!

Have I ever shared my theory about how much nicer the world would be if everyone just worked slightly longer days four times a week, and the weekend was three days?  I mean, I don't really care--there is very little difference between a week day and a weekend when you are a super hard-working stay-at-home-wife (This house doesn't clean itself!  I got an email about what a stay-at-home-mom's salary should be, so I estimate my take-home should be about 75% of that four trillion dollars or whatever).  IRREGARDLESS, it makes such a big difference to Colby's level of happiness and relaxation, and by extension, MY happiness and relaxation.  Anyway, this is my way of announcing that I will be running for President in 2012 on the platform of 3-day-weekends.  Voting is sexy!

So yes, we had a three-day weekend, and it was indeed splendid.  One of my very lovely, talented friends gave birth to her second equally lovely and talented child last week, and Colby and I were immediately pulled in by the tractor beam of adorableness.  We met the little princess when she was just one day old, and the tiniest, brand-newest baby I have ever held in my quivering arms.  I was terrified I was going to crush the little bundle of delicious baby, but still managed to fall totally in love.  We brought dinner over on the 4 day anniversary of the baby's birth, and it was amazing how much she had filled out in just those few days.  She was still as delicate as an expensive brazier, but riding the wave of confidence based on the success from our first day together, I was less afraid of crushing her and could focus all of my energy on not dropping her.

Sunday, we got together with our friends who moved here from Washington at the same time we did, and headed downtown to celebrate the fact that no one had to wake up early the next morning to go to work, whether that be in an office or in the kitchen washing dishes from the night before, BECAUSE THAT IS WORK TOO YOU KNOW.  So, we went to Amen Street, and enjoyed the 3 for $30 menu.  The shecrab soup was one of the best I've had, but sadly, I was not a fan of the shrimp and grits.  Things ended on a happy note with the chocolate terrine, a delicious mousse-like flourless chocolate cake with cream and blackberries.

Monday was a bit more low-key as the weather was gloomy, and we weren't inspired to actually get dressed.  Colby, the handyman, whipped together some sturdy wooden shelves in some dead space in our garage and WALAH, instant storage for all of our Christmas crap that was slowly taking over our entire second floor.

So, now it is Tuesday, which feels like Monday and the week will creep by slowly because everyone always expects a four-day week to be short, but they never are.  Unless the four days are Monday-Thursday.  This is my theory based on science.  And why I will specify in all of my Presidential race debates that the weekend will begin on Thursday evening and go through Sunday.  So, Mondays will still suck.  But that's as it should be.

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In #26

Yay!  Today marks my triumphant return to the MilSpouse Friday Fill-In over at Wife of a Sailor!  If you are a military spouse or significant other, feel free to play along as well!
What are you looking forward to most in 2011?
The Wizarding World of Harry Potter!!!  Whoop!  Alohomora, bitches!

What is something random you do on a boring night when your significant other is away?
Hm... I don't really do much differently when Colby is here or when he's not.  My average boring night is spent on the sofa either reading a book or watching tv.  I am a thrilling individual! 

What has been your greatest adventure as a MilSpouse?
Can I just say "All of it"?  Seriously, every day is a new adventure.  I've lived in three different states in four years.  My husband is gone on average 200+ days every year.  We frequently find out mere days in advance that he'll be leaving for a 2-3 week trip.  Airplanes break and plans have to be cancelled or rescheduled.  Buying tickets for anything more than a month in advance is either foolhardy or a guarantee that I'll be going with a friend.  Still, with all of that, I've got to say, the Air Force has given us a really good life and I wouldn't take a day of it back. 

What is the ugliest fashion trend you ever bought into (I’d like to make fun of you, so can you please provide a picture as well)?
Hm, well, I'm not sure if the bike shorts, mismatched Keds and oversized puff-painted t-shirts of my childhood count since I had minimal control over my attire.  So, I'll go with the high school phase of huge, clomping Doc Martens with the big flannel button ups over jeans.  Either that or over-alls.  I'd attach a photo, but I'll be honest, that's just way too much effort.

What was the high point of last month?
Though there were some unexpected drawbacks, I have to say our Barcelona/Cruise vacay.  I saw such amazing places, and even though we missed out on the Pyramids, it was still an incredible life experience.

Three Years

It's hard to believe that it's been three years since I put on the most expensive dress I will ever own, climbed into a black limousine with some of my very favorite people in the world and took a ten minute ride to an event that would change my life forever.
It's hard to believe that Colby has been a part of my life either as a friend, a boyfriend, or a husband for ten years.  That we've been together for eight of those years.
But we've crammed an awful lot of adventures into those years.  And considering the amount of time we've spent apart, we've managed to collect a vast amount of memories.  We've settled into a marriage that is both comfortable and exciting, and I look forward to the adventures that still wait for us down the road.
I'm so curious about where life will take us, what new experiences lie just around the corner.  I'm so lucky that I have such an amazing man to share those experiences with--someone to celebrate with when times are good, and someone who will let me cry on his shoulder when things get hard.  Someone who is intelligent, funny, sensitive, thoughtful, caring, hard working, passionate, not to mention damn good looking!  Here's to another incredible year together, and what I'm sure will be many more to come in the future.  Happy anniversary, Colby!